Anakin Does Driver's Ed Part 2
by BatmanRules101
Summary: The rest of the story written by Ryeflight and I on a 7 hour car trip. Once again written in Q and A style, Anakin is Q, A is the answer. Hope you enjoy. We don't own Star Wars the Clone Wars, etc. etc. It's posted by Ryeflight too as Do I Need A Driver's License to Drive? My story before this is called Anakin Does Driver's Ed. There is a disclaimer chapter.
1. Disclaimer

Disclaimer:

Like the last story, no offense meant to anyone. Anything we have written (for example, about delaware) is based off of our own experience of being there, or reading about it, etc. Again, no offense meant.

P.S. Sorry about rating it M, I hit the wrong one and didn't notice.


	2. Chapter 1

Section 1: House Keeping

Q: What is a broom?

A: A what?

Q: What is a mop?

A: A drunken broom.

Q: What is "the laundry"?

A: A basket which you should hide your porn collection in. Cover it in dirty socks. No one will go near it.

Q: How do I do "the laundry"?

A: Fornicating with dirty clothes is disgusting and should not be attempted.

Q: That's disgusting!

A: Yes, that's what I said. Though I think women do something with some loud machine when they "do" the laundry. Just remember: If Padme ever gets a laundry basket while in bed, you hear someone calling you.

Q: Should I clean my room?

A: You have a room?

Q: How?

A: You may want to call a demolition team.

Q: Should I clean Obi-Wan's room?

A: I don't think that will be necessary.

Q: Should I clean Ahsoka's room?

A: Do you value your reproductive parts?

Q: Why is everyone yelling at me; I just cleaned their rooms!

A: Ignore the yelling. Run from the enraged Togruta with gardening shears.

Q: Why is my wife yelling at me?

A: Did you attempt to "do" the laundry?

Q: How do I wash the dishes?

A: Leave them in the sink for three hours and put them back in the cupboard.

Q: Was the washer supposed to explode?

A: No one has ever attempted to _use_ a washer before, so I am unable to answer this question.

Q: What is a 'vacuum'?

A: A loud machine to be used when you need to terrorize a cat.

Q: What number should I call if I want people to come clean the house for me?

A: You will want to connect through information. People don't like to enter your house.

Q: Where do I put the tissues?

A: In the refrigerator and freezer.

Q: How do I clean the fireplace?

A: You don't. You claim you did, and pray no one can actually tell what a clean fireplace looks like.

Q: Where do the candles go?

A: That depends, are they functional, decorational, scented, from a family member, color coordinated, contributory or detrimental to the Feng shui, . . . .

Q: Sorry I asked.

A: I wasn't done.

Q: Where do the chairs go?

A: In the closet.

Q: Where does the table go?

A: Wherever your wife says it does.

Q: How do I set up the beds?

A: You don't. You hire Steve and his pickup truck to set them up.

Q: What?

A: Search the town until you find a heavily muscled man driving a blue pick up truck. He will set up your beds.

Q: Where do these go?

A: In a floor pile.


	3. Chapter 2

Q: In what place should I put the pillows?

A: In a floor pile. Your wife will move them while grumbling about your horrible pillow-placing skills. Do not attempt to rebuke these grumblings.

Q: Where do I put the dishes when they have been washed (or so I said)?

A: Somewhere in some cupboard. Your wife will move them while grumbling about how you don't know where anything goes. Again, do not attempt to argue with her about this. Unless you find the couch comfortable and have an extensive porn collection.

Q: Would rearranging the house help to make people like me?

A: No. It would probably cause your wife to divorce you, assuming you understand how to move the 5,673 piece furniture your wife bought.

Q: I just rearranged everyone's bedrooms. Was this a good idea?

A: Run.

Q: RUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUN!

A: I told you not to touch the antique-one-of-a-kind-cherry-oak-ash-engraved-decorative-watchamacallit.

Q: OOOOWWWWWW!

A: You need to run faster.

Q: What is the number for the hospital?

A: That depends. If your genitals are in danger, call 9-1-1. If not, run until you find a normal person and tell them to call the hospital.

Q: Can the people at the hospital reattach body parts?

A: The gardening shears should really not be kept in such an easily accessible place.

Q: Where can I hide gardening sheers?

A: We suggest burning them.

Q: Where should I hide my porn?

A: Under a lot of dirty socks.

Q: My wife found my porn. Is it believable if I say it was Obi-Wan?

A: Well, first of all, you obviously didn't use enough socks. And I wouldn't try it.

Q: I now have to clean the house for 2 months. Thanks.

A: I TOLD YOU NOT TO BLAME IT ON HIM!


	4. Chapter 3

Q: How do I make an I'm sorry flower garden?

A: You don't. Steve does.

Q: What are the right flowers?

A: Well, no matter what they are, make sure not to mention they were the ones left.

Q: How do I plant flowers?

A: Google is useful for this kind of information.

Q: Is my garden supposed to look like that?

A: That's a garden?

Q: I can't believe my wife liked my garden!

A: WHAT GARDEN!?

Q: Should I plant more flowers to make the house look nicer?

A: Honey, I don't think a professional florist and landscaper could make your house look nice if you try to do more gardening.

Q: Did I plant too many flowers?

A: Those are Venus Fly Traps. Good job.

Q: Where is the best place to hide from an angry Togruta?

A: Experts recommend Tartarus.

Q: How do I build a secret underground bunker _**fast**_?

A: An easier escape is to take the next right for the Secret Nuclear Bunker.

Q: Why can't I clean anything?

A: It's not in your character.

Q: How should I clean up the bathroom?

A: Run before you blow something up.

Q: How should I clean up the kitchen?

A: You shouldn't set foot in the kitchen.

Q: How should I clean up the living room?

A: Who thought you could do any of these things?

Q: How should I clean up the bedroom?

A: You should pay Ahsoka to clean up the bedroom.

Q: How to get magical cleaning powers?

A: Well, a sex change usually works. So does not being Anakin Skywalker.


	5. Chapter 4

Q: How should I make a nice romantic bath to make my wife happy and possibly forget the mess?

A: You should get her a gift certificate to a spa. Then you should call Steve to fix your bathroom which is now flooded.

Q: Maybe I'll bring everyone on vacation...

A: No.

Q: Or I could make food..

A: Definitely not.

Q: Yes, I will make a romantic dinner.

A: ARE YOU LISTENING TO ANYTHING I AM SAYING?!

Q: How do I get rid of Ahsoka and Obi-Wan?

A: Tell them you are going to cook dinner. Nothing could get rid of them faster.

Q: Are you qualified to be giving me this advice?

A: Are you qualified to operate a feather duster?

Q: You're the same person as the driver's ed advice guy, aren't you?

A: Says the person who broke a book case by using a feather duster. On the opposite side of the room. And I am of the female gender, _and_ I'm far more qualified for housework than you apparently are. Then again, so is a dead skunk.

Q: I will take no more advice from you!

A: Until you start trying to cook dinner.

Q: Now I will make dinner.

A: Sure you will.


	6. Chapter 5

Section 2: Cooking

Q: Where did I put the cookbooks?

A: You don't personally own cookbooks.

Q: Do I need an apron?

A: Do you know how to put an apron on?

Q: Will a chef's hat make me better at cooking?

A: Think of it this way: Will a baseball cap make you better at baseball?

Q: I found Obi-Wan's cookbook! Should I use it?

A: Put it down immediately. Before it starts spurting flames like the last book you picked up did.

Q: How do I read this?

A: You can read?

Q: I give up.

A: Well, the house is still standing.

Q: What kind of a pan is this? It looks like a plate with a handle on top.

A: So, a normal looking fry or sauce pan.

Q: What is a frying pan?

A: *facepalm*

Q: This bowl has tiny holes in it. How does it work?

A: That is a colander. You drain things in it.

Q: What is this grabby thing?

A: Perhaps I would tell you if you didn't have it so close to my face it's practically up my nose.

Q: Is this a can opener?

A: Nooooooo, it's a blanket!

Q: OWW!

A: Why would you scratch your nose with a can opener?

Q: Where can I buy magical cooking utensils?

A: From the same person you bought the unicorn from.

Q: Fine. Hahaha. What kind of romantic food would you recommend?

A: Flambe.

Q: WHAT THE FLYING FUCK IS A FLAMBE!?

A: Answer hazy. Ask again later.

Q: Describe a flambe.

A: Answer foggy. Ask again later.

Q: How do I make a flambe?

A: Answer misty. Ask again later.

Q: *sigh* Can I buy a flambe?

A: Probably. Somewhere.

Q: I trust your answering skills less and less by the second.

A: You do have a brain! But remember, I told you not to cook in the first place.

Q: What kind of foods can I make on a grill?

A: Can you operate a grill?

Q: Yes, I can make food on a grill.

A: But can you turn on the grill without burning down the neighborhood?

Q: Don't grills use propane to work?

A: No. They don't.

Q: Is propane explosive?

A: Just slightly.

Q: I think there's some propane in the garage.

A: Good. Leave it there.

Q: There it is!

A: LEAVE IT THERE YOU PIGEON BRAINED MORON!

Q: Woops!

A: And there goes Mrs. Wierman's house.

Q: That's unfortunate.

A: I hope you have a large bank account.


	7. Chapter 6

Q: Where can I order pizza?

A: From the pizza place.

Q: Do you think Padme will know I didn't make it?

A: Judging from your cooking skills, no I don't think she'll be able to tell at all.

Q: Where can I buy Chinese food?

A: From a Chinese food place.

Q: Will it be THAT obvious I didn't make it?

A: Considering the fact that you refer to it as Chinese food, yes, yes it will.

Q: How about McDonald's?

A: They don't sell food.

Q: I won't even ask if it is obvious.

A: Again, they don't sell food.

Q: How about we never come back to this house ever again?

A: I think Padme might notice that her husband had disappeared.

Q: I KNOW! I will call surprise vacation! We can go to Vegas! I will pick them all up and bring them to the airport. They will never know!

A: Do you remember what happened last time you went to Vegas?

Q: How can I pack their stuff?

A: They locked you out of the house.

Q: I'll just stuff all of their clothes into suitcases. Good thing we live in Delaware. No one will question an abandoned house. Right?

A: YOU FUCKING CHOSE TO FUCKING BUY A FUCKING HOUSE IN GODDAMN DELAWARE? WHERE THE FLYING FUCK OF HELL DID YOU FUCKING GET THE FUCKING IDEA THAT THAT WAS A FUCKING SMART DECISION YOU LILY LIVERED PIGEON BRAINED BOAR PIG?! (No offense to anyone who lives in Delaware. The part we drove through was disturbing. I'm sure there is a nice neighborhood there . . . somewhere.)

Q: Good thing I have enough money to buy airport tickets!

A: I'm telling Padme what you did to Mrs. Wierman's house.

Q: Shut up!

A: Just apologize and pray for forgiveness.

Q: Good! 4 flights to Vegas. BRING ALL THE MONEYS!

A: What moneys? You spent all the moneys bribing Mrs. Wierman to say a comet came out of the sky instead of you blew up a propane tank in her backyard while trying to start the grill.

Q: SAYONARA! I WILL NEVER SPEAK TO YOU AGAIN!

A: Oh yes you will.

Q: I promise I won't need any more advice from you.

A: That's what you think.

Q: Of course I can survive at the airport!

A: Again, that's what you think.


	8. Chapter 7

Section 3: Airport Navigation and Survival

Q: Again, How the FUCK do I navigate the GODDAMN AIRPORT. IT MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE!

A: Rule 1 of navigating airports is to locate the exit. Rule 2 is to take the exit.

Q: (After around 45 minutes driving around trying to understand this maze of ludicrous roads) There! We are parking there! Can we park there?

A: You can't park there. Parking is only allowed 20 miles back the other way.

Padme: You need to pay to park there.

Q: Padme, I know we have to pay. I'm getting my wallet.

A: You forgot your wallet.

Q: WHERE THE HELL IS MY WALLET!

A: At home. Or at what remains of home.

Q: Give it!

A: Talking to smoldering remains of houses is not a good sign of stable mental health.

Q: There. Here, sir. No, sir, that lady always bites. She has some issues.

A: And whose fault are the issues?

Q: Okay. Now what?

A: How should I know? You appear to have driven inside a bouncy house.

Q: No. That doesn't sound right.

A: OPEN YOUR DAMN EYES DOES THAT LOOK REMOTELY LIKE A BLOODY PARKING LOT?!

Q: Let's just bring our stuff in and figure it out there.

A: Yeah, that will work.

Q: Okay. So now we follow the people, right?

A: Those people are boarding an airplane to Taiwan. Are you going to Taiwan?

Q: Okay, so now we weigh our stuff with the clerks up there and they take our bags?

A: And then you never see those bags again.

Q: You can only have 1 carry on bag?

A: Yes. And remember, you have to actually be able to carry it.

Q: (45 minutes later) That was stressful.

A: Tell me when you find someone who calls airports relaxing.

Q: Do we have to go through security now?

A: I really don't think security is optional.

Q: *sigh* Great.

A: Isn't your arm metal?

Q: How are we going to get through security? They have an x-ray machine for both people and items, and we currently have on us a metal arm, three, no four lightsabers, and a blaster. Like they will let that on the plane.

A: I recommend this metho- Good lord! What could that be!?

Q: Do you think we can sneak around?

A: About as much as I think you can drive.

Q: Will causing a distraction work?

A: PUT THE PROPANE DOWN.

Q: Maybe if we just try, and when they find the weapons, we run for it. Will that work?

A: If you really want to get through the airport, drive through it. They will run.

Q: Let's just get it over with.

A: I want the video footage.

Worker: Please remove all jackets, shoes, socks, hats, and jewelry, first-born children and place them in a tub on the conveyor belt. You will not see them again. Computers and electronic devices must be placed in separate containers. For burning. No containers of liquid more than 4 oz. Remove all pacemakers, oxygen catheters and metal bone replacements such as hip or knee. No weapons, batteries, explosives, pointy objects, bones, nails longer than three centimeters, canine teeth, eyelashes, bullet bras, erect nipples or genitals, earrings, or anything with a consistency harder than jello. Then, please step into the x-ray machine.

Q: Did you understand that?

A: Understand what?


	9. Chapter 8

Q: Let's just do it.

A: Nike says they're suing you.

Clerk: Ummm… sir, you should come check out what's in these bags.

Clerk in charge: HOLY SHIT THATS A GUN!

At the same time…

Another clerk: Ma'am, please remove your headdress.

Ahsoka: NO! (takes out lightsaber)

Clerk: Weapon!

Also at the same time...

Yet another clerk: Sir, is your arm made of metal?

Q: Yes

A: And now, all hell breaks loose.

SECURITY ALERT!SECURITY ALERT!SECURITY ALERT!SECURITY ALERT!SECURIT..

Q: What should we do now?

A: Experts recommend vanishing.

Q: RUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUNRUN!

A: Or that. That could work too.

Q: That was stressful.

A: I warned you.

Q: How are we going to hide from the security?

A: You can't. You could hide your weapons, but I don't think you can take off your arm]

Q: Where can we buy food?

A: There's a vending machine. I don't know if they sell actual food from it, but there is a vending machine.

Q: Why don't we go to Starbucks?

A: Who knows. I have given up with you.

Q: STUPID COFFEE ENTHUSIASTS! I WANT MY COFFEE!

A: You can't take out your lightsaber. They will call security.

Q: Let's just get on the plane.

A: Or go home. Home would be better.

Q: Why do they make us wait like 2 hours to get on the plane?

A: It's an airport. What did you think would happen?

Q:Why do these people crowd around the door?

A: Because they were specifically told not to.

Approximately 172 hours later…

Obi Wan: We can board the plane now.

Padme: How?

Q: How do we board the plane?

A: Good luck.

Q: Just get in the line and do what everyone else is doing. Right?

A: Wrong line. That's the one going to Taiwan.

Clerk: Please get into your boarding groups, which will be boarded as follows: Super Extreme Premium Members, Extreme Premium Members, Premium Members, Super Extreme Members, Extreme Members, Super Members, Boarding group 1A, 1B, 1C, 1D, 2A, 2B,2C,2D, 3A,3B, 3C, 3D, hitchhikers, and floor trash.

Q:What?

A: No one knows. Just get in a line. Go on.

Q: Maybe our boarding group is on our tickets.

A: What tickets?

Q: WHERE THE FLYING FUCK ARE THE GODDAMN FUCKING TICKETS!

A:Oh, I canceled your flights.

Q: _**WHAT !**_

A: Bon voyage!

Q: _**DIE!**_

A: And thank you for using this Q & A for all of your driving/cleaning/cooking/airport needs, have a nice day!


	10. Part 1

If you would like to read part 1, it's just called Anakin Does Driver's Ed. If you want to read the story on Ryeflight's page, it's called 'Do I Need A Driver's License To Drive?'. Just wanted to let you know.


End file.
